Lifestyle Glow Up: Decluttering

Mrs. Midwest is one of my favorite influencers/youtubers.  I truly feel like she’s the online big sister I needed the past few years.  One of my favorite videos of hers is “How to Have a TOTAL Feminine Lifestyle Glow Up.”  She lays out the groundwork for essentially making your life as a woman SO much better with simple steps that are within your control (for most people).  I’d like to discuss how I have implemented these changes in my own life and the benefits.  

Her steps are: 

1. Declutter

2. Rest

3. Have self-respect and set boundaries in relationships

4. Incorporate typically feminine things into your life (and don't be afraid of what people might say)

5. Identify your fears, triggers and goals (what is holding you back?)

So for today’s post I’ll focus on the first: decluttering.  This is not just decluttering of clothes or junk drawers although that can certainly be part of it.  This is an entire life declutter.  Anything that is not serving you can go.  I’d like to add the nuance that it was really hard for me to do this because of my christian background and I would get really really confused about whether it was okay to let something go because it seemed “selfish.”  But let me paint the picture of my breaking point before I started decluttering.  It was 2020, and it’s the height of covid and all things political strife.  Seemingly no one can have a conversation without mentioning either topic, and it was STRESSFUL.  I had a very stressful time in premarital counseling and then wedding planning and then the huge shift of getting married and moving in with my husband during this time.  I also started a new job and had to learn it all remotely and I struggled a lot.  I felt alone.  I felt so much guilt for struggling with things in my own life because I always thought I should just be an encouragement to others and serve the church without being an issue to them.  But let me tell you that I was being walked all over.  I had friendships where my feelings and opinions were invisible and I was talked at like I was nothing but a brick wall.  I was part of a church community that made me feel like I didn’t matter despite how loyally I had served there.  I was in mental anguish and crying every.single.day.  It was so sad.  And because of all the stress and negativity, my physical health took a huge toll (no surprise).  I developed IBS and had flare ups daily, inhibiting me from daily tasks.  I developed horrible PMS (looking back it might have potentially been PMDD) where I was actually depressed and had no desire to live for nearly two weeks before every period.  Who wants to live their life that way?  So I knew I had to make major changes.  Because the truth was if I didn’t, I wasn’t going to be able to serve anyone.  I had put everyone else above myself to the point where I was physically unwell and unable to help anyone else.  So decluttering things from my life that no longer served me wasn’t just a way to be self-centered and never serve another person, it was actually a way to help heal myself SO THAT I could better serve others from a more healthy place.  Only you know your true intentions and the right actions to take.  For me it was getting rid of a lot.  First, we left our church.  This took a long time to decide on, and it still makes me sad because the church itself is a wonderful institution that is vital in the life of a christian.  And no church is perfect.  And you should approach the church with a desire to serve just as much as you benefit from being served while knowing that different seasons in your life will call for both in different ways.  But this church was hurting my faith.  I had felt hurt and misunderstood by leadership and one particular friendship was wreaking havoc on my mental health, even with all efforts to have boundaries.  My husband actually encouraged us to leave.  In his words “this just isn’t worth it anymore.”  And I grieved the loss just like any other loss.  It took years actually to move on, but it was in the end the right thing to do.  For a few years we actually took a break from church after efforts to join another one quickly made me feel just as discouraged and burnt out as before.  A lot of christians will argue that you should always be a part of a local church and in theory yes, it is a good thing and vital for christians to be connected to a local body.  For me however it was so triggering and damaging to enter another church too quickly and I prayed about it a lot.  Ultimately I knew that no matter how much other christians might misunderstand and judge me that God completely understood me and was gracious and gentle with my fragile heart at the time, and I took great comfort in that truth.  

A less heavy topic, social media and phone usage.  I took great measures to clean out my digital life - deleting accounts, putting screen time limits on my phone, limiting how I could access anything online and carefully considering any content I should be consuming.  Another lie I bought into from other christians was that I had to be consumed with the news and happenings of the world.  It took me a long time to get to the place where I could just say no to all of that.  My alternative wasn’t escapism, however, because yes that could be selfish.  My alternative to consuming daily news and worrying and arguing with others about events happening on a federal level was to shift to my own personal life and community.  Instead of worrying about national policies (& don’t get me wrong, I do research around elections and vote accordingly) I focused on the people around me.  What could I do to be a better wife, friend, daughter, aunt, cousin, employee, etc?  This is where I actually saw the potential for the most influence.  Clearing out my information consumption from all things negative that were not serving me was one of the best decluttering sessions I had.  

Another decluttering session I had that is kind of hard to categorize but I’ll call it decluttering ambition.  Ambition is supposed to be a good thing right?  It can be, but not when it comes at any cost.  Growing up I had always been a good student, and then after college I passed my CPA exam and got a job in public accounting.  I quickly realized how miserable the long hours were.  I knew I could keep going in the field and make more money, but ultimately I left for another job that maybe wouldn’t pay quite as much in the long run but my everyday life would improve drastically - finishing at 5 every day was my dream lol.  So I guess you could say I decluttered needless ambition.  Not that I don’t have any discipline in my life to achieve goals that are important to me, but I did get rid of anything like certain career goals or other personal achievements where the process would make me miserable.  The end goal had to be fulfilling and life giving enough to push through.  

Finally, a note on my decluttering of physical items.  I’ve always been more minimal, but I especially gave myself permission to get rid of anything - clothes, beauty products, anything too used and worn, that truly wasn’t serving me anymore.  My clothes had to fit me and fit into a color palette that worked for me specifically, not just trendy pieces.  My beauty products had to work for me, not just an influencer.  All old items that were truly just worn out to their death were discarded. I felt so much lighter and free with all the physical clutter gone as well.  

And that’s it!  All the life decluttering and the completion of step one in the lifestyle glow up.